Gender Equality: Men Too Are Victims of Social Expectations!

 “Have you ever seen a boy play with a Barbie?”, they’d say. “Why would a boy want to play with dolls when he is supposed to play with guns and superheroes?”

Patriarchy has deemed it necessary to divide our society into two neat blocks; the feminine and the masculine.This is how we have been taught to think. These are the norms that have been deeply inculcated within us. All these ‘values’ stem from centuries of patriarchy which have been dictating the way we should live our lives. Apart from undermining women and lending a false sense of superiority to men, patriarchy also ordains that men should be ‘masculine’ and women should be ‘feminine’ – something which the world has been conditioned and cultured to believe and follow. Hence, girls are ‘supposed to be’ slim and beautiful, and boys are ‘supposed to be’ athletic and stoic.

Masculinity is that the model most men get older with and it's natural they emulate it, mostly unquestioningly. Sexism is the practical manifestation of patriarchy. Men recover treatment, than women, in most spheres of life. Male dominance society, a consequence of sexism and patriarchy is accepted in our world as normal. These attitudes have been normalized over centuries of building up patriarchy.

However, as patriarchy grants men with privileges, we tend to ignore the harm it does to them. “Mard ko dard nahin hota” isn’t just a cheesy cliche, it’s a credo for men and most believe it wholeheartedly.

Let’s see how toxic masculinity affects men.

1. Suppression of Emotions

No soon is a baby boy born and everyone grooming to be a macho male begins. Being a person means keeping a stiff upper lip, and not letting your emotions show. The reprimand of “boys don’t cry a like a girl“ and “man up”, are repeatedly made to little boys, enforcing this socialization. The only legitimate emotion men are allowed to precise is anger and aggression.

2.The Provider

Men are expected to be the main (and in some cases, sole) providers in the family, to earn enough to keep the home fires burning. No wonder, men with working wives are ridiculed as “not wearing the pants!”. And the ultimate horror – a woman who earns more than her partner;get ready because now our society is gonna judge on the basis of your salary.

3.Men are Strong

“Women are weak and men are strong.” Male domination would have us believe that the powerful and powerful have precedence over the weak. As a consequence, not only do men dominate women, but also weaker, less powerful men, or men of class . In the Indian context, this means lower castes are beholden to higher castes. This thinking is justified by patriarchy.

4. Never a Victim

It’s time when we recognise that men can get raped too.Although the long-term effects of sexual abuse of women by men have been studied extensively, there has been minimal research exploring the effects of sexual assault by men and only in rape but now the days because there are many rights given to the women to prevent their interest. In some case they exploit their rights and play victim card to trap guys. 

5.Caste and Patriarchy

Being the result of a difference in power, male dominance normalizes violence not only against women but also against other weaker men. In India, this is how the caste system works. The “inferior” weaker men with no economic or social power are kept subservient to the upper, dominant castes. Patriarchy and caste are bosom buddies.

What are the effects?

Now, we are seeing more male suicide across the world, but men don't ask for help.

Another thing male are now more sufferer of high blood pressure due to hyper tension.

Men are by far the major perpetrators and victims of violence, because the emotions of anger have been overly validated.

1 in 6 guys experience sexual abuse before the age of 18, but as men "they shouldn't speak out"

There are a thousand and one issues affecting men worldwide, but men can't even raise awareness or come out to say these things affect them.

While we have come a long way in fighting gender inequality, we need to recognise that not only women and girls, but men and boys also face the pressure of fitting into gender binaries.

The fact that boys are supposed to ‘be strong’ and ‘hide their feelings’ is extremely problematic.Boys all over the world are trapped in this suffocating cage of ‘masculinity’ where manhood is measured by strength and suppressing one’s feelings is equated with strength

The changing image of girls in society is protected by exposure and training. At least in urban India, parents today invest equally in educating their daughters the maximum amount as their sons. 

Now mothers have reduced telling their daughters that you need to learn to cook and clean but no one has stopped telling a boy not to cry and express his emotions freely. There is certainly a clear change within the upbringing of a woman compared to earlier times, however, the society doesn't want to vary an equivalent for boys. So it’s time we empower our men too! just like we are providing support to our women.

Disclaimer: I am not presenting the fairness or unfairness of the expectations, society has on men. It is just a perspective that men too are not free from social bias.